Navigating the Postpartum Journey: Building Bridges with Extended Family
Navigating the Postpartum Journey: Building Bridges with Extended Family
Paige Geisinger, LMFT Postpartum and Perinatal
As an online postpartum couples therapist in Seattle, Bellingham, and across Washington, I’m often supporting couples in navigating family dynamics. Bringing a new baby into the world often means you need your village. If you or your partner has a good relationship with your parents, chances are they are coming to visit your new baby and hopefully support you two as you navigate the beginnings of parenthood. While this can be a lovely experience, it often comes with its downfalls as well. Here are common struggles couples face with family during the perinatal and postpartum as well as tips and strategies for fostering positive connections with your family and in-laws. Uniting with your partner on each of these strategies is integral to getting your needs met from extended family.
1. Overbearing Advice and Opinions: One of the most common challenges couples face is the influx of well-meaning yet sometimes overwhelming advice and opinions from family members. While their intentions may be good, the constant stream of suggestions can leave you feeling frustrated and undermined.
Postpartum couples therapist’s advice: focus on fostering connecting moments with these family members to build up positive feelings towards them. Set boundaries early on by expressing gratitude for their input while gently asserting your autonomy as parents. Politely let them know that you and your partner are exploring what works best for your family and encourage them to respect your decisions. Ask your partner to talk to their family members if you don’t feel comfortable setting this boundary with them yet.
2. Boundary Issues: Boundaries often become blurred during the postpartum period, with family members crossing lines without realizing it. Whether it's unexpected visits, stays that are longer than planned, unsolicited childcare assistance, or intrusive questioning, maintaining boundaries can become a delicate balancing act.
Postpartum couples therapist’s advice: Make sure you and your partner are on the same page about needs and boundaries with each other’s families. Set these expectations up for each of your families prior to the birth of your baby. Often, just knowing exactly what you do and don’t need before the excitement of welcoming a newborn can prevent conflict. But the advice is the same if your struggling with boundary issues postpartum as well: Have an open and honest conversation with your family about your needs and preferences. Clearly communicate your boundaries, whether it's regarding visitation schedules, privacy, or childcare arrangements. Be firm yet compassionate in enforcing these boundaries, reinforcing the importance of mutual respect and understanding. Ask them how they would like to connect with you and your new baby, as this is often the emotional need of the intrusive family member.
3. Interference in Parenting Choices: Differences in parenting styles and philosophies can lead to tension and conflict within families. Whether it's disagreements over feeding methods, sleep routines, or discipline strategies, navigating these differences can be challenging.
Postpartum couples therapist’s advice: Approach these conversations with empathy and open-mindedness, acknowledging that everyone has their own unique approach to parenting. Seek common ground and focus on shared goals, such as the well-being and happiness of the child. If family members do not honor your wishes, explore where you might need space from them and where you have room for investing in your relationship with them.
4. Feeling Overwhelmed by Expectations: The pressure to live up to familial expectations, whether it's hosting gatherings, attending social events, or adhering to cultural traditions, can add an additional layer of stress during an already demanding time.
Postpartum couples therapist’s advice: Prioritize self-care and prioritize your partner and baby’s needs above external expectations. Be realistic about what you can manage and don't hesitate to say no when necessary. Communicate openly with your family about your limitations and seek their understanding and support in prioritizing your well-being and that of your newborn.
5. Dealing with Intrusive or Critical Relatives: In some cases, family members may be overly intrusive or critical, adding to your stress and anxiety during the postpartum period.
Postpartum couples therapist’s advice: Practice assertiveness and self-advocacy by calmly but firmly addressing any disrespectful or hurtful behavior. Set clear boundaries around acceptable communication and behavior, and don't hesitate to limit contact with toxic individuals if necessary. Surround yourself with supportive family members and friends who uplift and encourage you during this vulnerable time.
Remember, navigating family dynamics during the postpartum period is a journey filled with ups and downs. Be patient with yourselves and each other as you find your footing in this new chapter of your lives. Lean on each other for support, communicate openly and honestly, and prioritize your needs, your partner’s needs, and your child’s needs above all else. With love, patience, and understanding, you can overcome any challenges that come your way and emerge stronger and more connected as a family unit.
Often times, couples have a hard time getting on the same page about these needs and boundaries, and about how to communicate them to extended family members. Perinatal and postpartum couples therapy is a great way to get support navigating these conversations. Book a consultation with a Seattle postpartum couples therapist if you and your partner are struggling with communicating to each other and family members after the birth of your baby.