Seattle Therapist Weighs in: Navigating Overstimulation as a New Parent

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As a postpartum and neurodivergence therapist in Washington state (including Seattle, Bellingham, Tacoma, and Spokane), and a person with ADHD myself, I am often encountering individuals and couples who are new parents and are unsure about why they are feeling anxious, angry, or disconnected from themselves “for no reason”. But part of the answer might be very simple, actually: being in the fourth trimester is often the most overstimulating experience people have had throughout their lives. Think about it: You’re trying to put your baby down for a nap, but you can’t find your baby’s favourite binkie, there aren’t any diapers left in the bedroom, there are books and clothes all over the floor, and the diaper genie needs to be taken out. The white noise machine is also blasting a consistent sound of WOOOOOSH. In the midst of all this, you can’t settle your baby and the piercing cry is hurting your ears. Your body is tense, and while you’re rocking your new bundle of joy, a ball of anxiety unravels in your chest. Suddenly, you join your infant in a breakdown of tears.

You might not understand why this feels so overwhelming, but your brain is simply processing too many sensory experiences, and so you can’t regulate your nervous system. You’re experiencing overstimulation. Our brains are only meant to process so much, and so if your brain is overwhelmed with sensory input, you’re going to experience things like random or uncontrollable crying, dissociation, anger/rage, anxiety, or a general feeling of tenseness. This is your body’s way of trying to regulate and letting you know it needs a different environment.

While people with neurodivergence are more sensitive to the experience of overstimulation, this experience effects most throughout the perinatal period. Adjusting to life with a newborn can be an exhilarating yet overwhelming experience, with every sense on high alert.

So, what can you do about it?

1.     Recognize what your body finds overstimulating: often, we don’t even realize the sensory inputs our brain finds to be too much until our body is screaming at us to do something different. Becoming aware of the environmental experiences that you find too much is one of the best ways at preventing yourself from feeling overstimulated. Maybe it’s the overhead light, or the music playing in the background, or the smell of dirty laundry, or even your baby crying. These all have fixes: soft lighting, turning the music down or off, putting the laundry in another room you’re not in as often, or wearing earplugs (that still allow some sound through), might be some simple ways to help you enjoy your days more.

2.     Pause: First things first, give yourself permission to press pause. It's okay to take breaks, even if it's just for a few moments of quiet solitude. You need to regulate your body to help your baby regulate theirs. Put your baby down in a safe place with a comfort item, go somewhere that isn’t stimulating (go into the bathroom and turn the lights off, for example). Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and focus on relaxing your body. Drink a ice cold glass of water really quickly. Put on your earbuds and listen to your favourite song. Focus on one sensory input that provides comfort and pleasure for your brain and body, and take away the other sensory experiences that are dysregulating you, even if it’s just for a moment.

3.     Find calming and regulating rituals throughout your day: In the midst of diaper changes, feedings, and endless laundry, it's essential to carve out pockets of calm in your daily routine. Take naps at the same time as your baby, play soothing music, or diffuse some lavender essential oil to create a serene atmosphere. Carve out time for a shower or bath. Go on a walk through the quiet streets of your neighborhood with a cup of tea in the mornings. Take one-minute breaks in a dark, quiet room throughout your day. Establishing calming rituals can help both of you unwind and recharge.

4.     Babies also experience overstimulation: Babies are like tiny sponges, absorbing every sight, sound, and sensation around them. While stimulation is essential for their development, too much of it can quickly lead to overwhelm. Pay attention to your baby's cues and limit exposure to excessive noise, bright lights, and crowded spaces. Opt for gentle, soothing activities like baby massage or quiet cuddle time to help your little one decompress.

5.     Check in with your body: Mindfulness is your secret weapon against overstimulation. Stay present in the moment, focusing on one task at a time rather than trying to juggle a million things at once. When you notice the start of overstimulation, like feeling annoyed for what feels like no apparent reason, that’s a sign that you need to regulate your body.

6.     Prioritize getting your basic needs met: Last but certainly not least, your body can only regulate if it’s getting its basic needs met. Prioritize sleep like it's your new best friend (because let's face it, it is). Eat foods that provide comfort and energy. Take time to shower, and rest, and get pleasurable movement in.

Navigating overstimulation as a new parent is all about finding balance, practicing mindfulness, and prioritizing self-care. Remember, it's okay to take things one step at a time, and you're doing an amazing job, even on the toughest days. Take a deep breath, hold your little one close, and know that you've got this.

Having a hard time regulating on your own? Finding a postpartum and neurodivergent therapist in Seattle can help you hone these regulation skills and understand and meet your needs more effectively, so that you can show up to your parenting and your life in the way you want to be.